


Compulsory Heart

by rexyplexy



Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: Anxiety Disorder, Gen, No beta we die like lilith, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Reader-Insert, Self-Indulgent, Self-Insert, mc has ocd, slight lucifer x MC because I'm trash, supportive demon boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-30
Updated: 2020-05-30
Packaged: 2021-03-03 04:34:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24448924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rexyplexy/pseuds/rexyplexy
Summary: There was a constant raging storm inside of your head, and being transported to literal hell didn't exactly do much to help that.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 89





	Compulsory Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! This is my first fic for Obey Me so it's mainly me just testing the waters and it's also like super self indulgent because I suffer from chronic OCD and just want the demon boys to comfort me. Lmao (self isolation has been really rough.)
> 
> Disclaimer: OCD is different in every person, the way it's depicted in this fic is just how I suffer from it.

Becoming accustomed to the Devildom was.... difficult for you, to say the least.

At first anyway.

It was a struggle to uproot your perfectly calm life just like that, though you were a tad bit lonely, you were set to a schedule that brought a sense of peace to the wild storm going on inside of your brain. It was more like a light drizzle of rain, still there and something you had to deal with, but much more manageable. However.... Being suddenly sent to literal hell one afternoon out of completely no where for some ridiculous exchange program set up by the ruler of said hell, was just the breaking point to set your calm little drizzle spiraling back into a hurricane.

It was a good thing you were in hell, because that's how the buzzing in your brain made it feel.

You were quiet at first, not knowing what to make of it all, especially not the seven demons that had essentially become your roommates for the duration of your stay. You kept to yourself at first, unsure of how to handle this kind of situation, they were demons after all and that fact alone was enough to set you off. Those days, way back in the beginning, were some of the harshest you've had to deal with. Late nights, standing alone in your room, too fearful to move because you knew if you did, you would have to repeatedly drag your feet along every single creek and crack within the old hardwood floors of your room just to find some sort of comfort and ease the uncertainty you felt. You were tired, you just wanted to go to bed before having to drag yourself to class in the morning, but as the clock struck midnight, you just couldn't bring yourself to do it. The storm in your brain was raging and it certainly wouldn't settle until you checked to make sure your room door was locked for what must have been the tenth time, but you lost count after awhile, no matter how hard you tried to remember. Perhaps it was the thirteenth time.

You would have to start over.

It wasn't that you didn't like the demons, they all appeared nice enough more or less, but being the only human in the house and so freshly ripped away from everything you knew had taken its toll. You just wanted to make sure your door was locked, you didn't want anyone to come in while you were sleeping. They wouldn't hurt you, their words sincere enough, but there was always that itch in the back of your skull that said otherwise. You checked the door again.

Things didn't stay bad though, as you grew used to the new schedule and soon enough you found your place among them.

Things started to get better.

You weren't exactly sure when the roaring in your head became a dull buzz again, likely sometime during you making pacts with each of your demons. During which one was unclear, it could have honestly been the first or it could have been the sixth, but that didn't really matter now, because you were.... happy? They all made you feel safe and thus your way of thinking managed to ease up if only a little bit. It was still there, in the back of your head, whispering horrid possibilities in your ear that you knew not to be true and yet you still feared could happen. It was nothing that you couldn't handle though, the sparks in your brain returning back to how they were back home in the human realm.

Tap your foot against that chair five times. Why? Because you have to, no more questions asked. For the most part you could go about your day normally, muscle memory took care of the rest going through each of your more worse habits on instinct.

They were still there in the back of your mind, but they were manageable.

The days went on like this, but as your luck would have it, new problems arose. You found yourself concerned for all new reasons.  
The longer you stayed in the Devildom, the closer you had become with each of the seven demon lords that you have come to know and love. Thus, the feelings of inadequacy and utter CONCERN about their opinions of you began to flood your senses.

“MC,” Satan had said one day at the table while you were eating breakfast. His leveled voice bringing you out of your daydream.

You hummed and looked up at him, silently asking what he wanted. It was then you noticed he was staring at your plate where you had left bits and pieces of food that would go uneaten. (Though perhaps not if Beel were around at that moment.) You always left whatever pieces of food your hands touched on your plate. Hands were germy, and even though you just washed them, you didn’t want to risk getting sick. As per your logic. It would appear that in all the time you’ve been staying in the house, the observant demon sitting across from you was beginning to notice that particular tic. “Are you alright?”

“Of course,” you responded with a forced smile. “I’m just.... not very hungry anymore.”

“Oh, then can I have the rest?” Beel asked from his own seat, perking up at your words. You chuckled and slid your plate over to him, Satan not making another comment, and that was that.

If only things could be that simple.

As it would be, demons were much more in tune to their surroundings and every little detail that came with them. Not all of them were big experts on humans or their behaviors, but they were alert enough to know that there was something just a smidge off about some of your habits.

Embarrassed and awkward about the fact your brain was telling you horrible things would happen if you didn’t tap your D.D.D. on the table a certain number of times, you would often be the last one to leave the room. Hanging back quietly as everyone else dispersed.

“Don’t be long,” Lucifer would say and it’d make you wonder if he knew, but who was to say really? So you would simply nod as you stood and hovered by your chair, just starring at your D.D.D. You wished you could just pick it up and leave, it’s be so simple really, everyone else did it but.... you just couldn’t do that. No matter how badly you wanted to, that fact alone enough to make you want to cry.

You reached forward and repeatedly tapped the D.D.D. on the table, as lightly as you could not to break it but sometimes you admit you were a bit too rough. The clinking echoed around the sparse room as you tried to hurry so you could catch up with the others, but there was really no rushing these things. Trying to do that would have you making mistakes, and mistakes meant you had to start over, taking even more time to get these dreadful tasks done.

“Oi, are ya done yet?” Came Mammon’s voice from right behind you, having been so focused you hadn’t heard him. You yelped and dropped your D.D.D. back onto the table as you whirled around to face your first demon. Your heart pounded and face flushed at having been caught in the act. The other simply stood there, looking only slightly annoyed.

“W-What are you doing here?” You asked him, wondering how much he had seen and if he was currently judging you for it.

“You were takin’ to long,” Mammon growled with a shrug as he looked away from you. “Can’t have my human walkin’ to class by themself, so hurry up.”

You hesitated, waiting for the classic ‘what is wrong with you’, but it never came. So instead, as your pulse went back to normal, you smiled and picked up your D.D.D. the urge to tap it fading away with Mammon’s presence.

“Alright, let’s go!”

And that encounter was pretty much the norm when it came to how your demons responded to your compulsions. Or “little quirks” as Asmodeus had taken to referring them as, but he was the only one to ever bring full on attention like that, the others were more than willing to accept that that’s just how you were. Perhaps they didn’t understand it, but it still warmed your heart to know they didn’t think any less of you for it like other humans tended to do.

“Is this some normie tactic?” Levi had asked one evening as you two played a video game in his room. He had glanced at you from the corner of his eye, gaze flicking to where you nervously scratched a pattern into the side of the controller you held. You blinked, snapping your eyes away from the game as you finally realized what you had been doing. “Or is this just a you thing?”

“Ah, sorry!” You said as you dropped the controller into your lap, nervously looking away. “A me thing? I guess.”

“Well it doesn’t matter,” Levi scoffed as he mirrored your own expression, though there was no malice in his words. “I’m going to beat you anyway.”

“What?! In your dreams, Levi!”

So as it would turn out, you were not as discrete as you thought you were, though honestly that was of no surprise to you. They were all still demons after all, uncomfortably observant ones at that. And as it would turn out, that was just the thing you needed to help calm your nerves and eventually help settle the uncertain tingle in your head.  
The thoughts along with the unreachable itch they caused were hardly present on the best of days, and just an annoying hindrance on the worst of them. You'd still do them, of course, but for the most part you hardly even realized that you were doing them.

"MC, does your condition have a name?" Satan asked one evening while the two of you sat in his room, trifling through the many books. You liked it in there, it had a calming air similar to that of a library, despite being where the avatar of wrath resided. You perked up and looked over towards him from where you sat with a book upon your lap, you had been turning the same page a couple of times because the first time just didn't feel right enough.

This was the first time any of them had outright asked you about it, but you supposed if any of them did asked, it would have been Satan. He had looked over at you from behind his own book, but there was no malice in the way he held himself, just curiosity in the way he tilt his head. Even so it still made you squirm, you didn't like talking about it. Satan turned back to his book.

"You don't have to elaborate, I was just intrigued," he said, but as he did you suddenly realized that you did want to speak about it. Taking a deep breath, you adverted your eyes from him.

"Obsessive compulsive disorder," you said, "that's what I have."

"I admit I'm not too knowledgeable about human illnesses," he shrugged, "never thought I'd need to be."

"Basically it means my brain tells me bad things are going to happen," you began, a nervous twisting in your belly as you explained. "It makes me really anxious so I have to do all these weird compulsions to make the fear go away."  
"What kind of bad things?"

"Anything I guess? I can't control the thoughts," you sighed, "I'll be fine one minute, but then the next I'll wonder if I left the oven on and have to go check it five times to make  
sure it's off so the house doesn't explode or something."

"That sounds a bit ridiculous," he said and despite the amusement in his tone, you could see he was concerned by the way his brows furrowed.

"I know it is," you responded, fingers tightening ever so slightly on the book you held. "I know nothing bad will actually happen, but my brain keeps trying to tell me otherwise and I have to keep doing these things to make me feel safe."

"That does sound unpleasant," Satan hummed, hand going up to rub at his chin. "Is there anything my brothers or I can do to help?"

It was an honest question and yet it still floored you, he was genuinely concerned for you and if you thought back to the rest of your interactions with the brothers in recent weeks, it would appear that they all were.

Even if the way they showed it was in their own ways.

You had a bad habit of washing your hands in near boiling water to make sure to kill whatever hell germs were clinging to them, so much so that your hands were constantly a vibrant red. They also dried out and cracked so much easily because of this, it ended up being quite painful on colder days. Though, still blotchy, your hands were beginning to heal and if you thought about the reason why. Now a days whenever you spaced out for a tad too long and kept your hands under the water for longer than is healthy, Asmo would seemingly appear out of nowhere to reprimand you for hurting your poor skin. You'd laugh it off and finally turn off the sink as he tutted at you and pulled out a bottle of hand lotion, always of a different scent, to try and repair whatever damage had been done.

Even when he wasn't there, a voice in the back of your head that sounded remarkably like Asmodeus' voice, was always present to scold you for staying at the sink for too long.  
And you supposed the rest of the brothers were slowly making their way into your thoughts whenever the compulsions tried to take over again. Mammon telling you to hurry it up or Levi scoffing and calling you a normie in a way that still told you that they cared. And you thought of Beel whenever you dared to still leave food upon your plate, though sometimes he was actually there to eat your leftover food, but either way at least it got eaten in the end.

Even Belphie, who was half-asleep on any given day, was making an effort to make sure you were doing alright. During those harsher nights where you were to scared to move from the couch in the living-room, he would just appear to throw his body across your lap where he would pass out almost immediately. You weren't as scared with someone else there and it was a great comfort whenever he would let you pet the fur on his demon tail. It reminded you of your cat back home and it served to ease up your nerves.

Usually whenever that happened, Lucifer would usually end up finding the two of you snuggled up on the couch the next morning, snoozing away as if there weren't a care in the world.

Speaking of which, there was also the other night.... You remembered it so vividly, laying your bed comfortably, with your nightly rituals finished you were finally ready to hunker  
down and sleep. However, you weren't prepared for the clock hanging on your wall to fall to the floor with a loud clatter. It had you sitting up, heart pounding and eyes frantically looking around the room and even as you settled back down, the wiring in your brain had managed to frazzle itself again.

You told yourself that you could hand the clock back up in the morning, but that didn't bold well for you. You knew it was impossible for a clock to spontaneously combust just because it was laying on the floor, but it was better to be safe than sorry.

Dragging yourself over to took a few minutes to pick it up from the ground, tapping it a few times again the hardwood flooring before to the same to the shelf you carefully sat it down on. The nail was no where to be seen, so you didn't feel the need to pick that up as well.

You continued standing there for a few moments, agonizingly annoyed at the fact you couldn't just lay down and go to sleep.

'You won't wake up tomorrow if you don't drag your feet in a certain pattern on the floor,' the damned voice in the back of your head said. Huffing out, you could feel your skin prick with irritation and you absolutely hated it. You just wanted to go to bed.

Why couldn’t you go to bed? Letting out a sigh, you rub at your face and run your hands through your hair. You’d be fine, just give it a moment and you’d be back to feeling okay. At least that’s what you’d hoped until a stray thought popped into your head.

Was the door locked? You tensed.

It had been a long while since you actually locked your room door, you knew you were safe with your demons and trusted them wholeheartedly. (Plus, Mammon and the others often barged into your room uninvited anyway and by now you were simply used to having the extra company.) Right now though, your mind drifted to the entry door to the house, it had seldom crossed your mind before but now it had and it was there to stay. You bit your lip, had it ever been locked during your time there? Lord Diavolo, Barbatos and the Purgatory Hall residents seemed to always be coming and going frequently so no one really paid the door any mind. Not until now. When your brain suddenly decided, against your own will, that it was definitely an issue.

Practically growling in annoyance, you pulled yourself away from where your feet had been previously rooted, the front door being the only thing on your mind. And so you crept out into the darkened halls and made your way there, only the light from your D.D.D. to guide you, trying desperately not to think about the ghosts that supposedly also roamed the halls during these hours. Somehow, however, you made it there, creeping down the old staircase until you were standing firmly in front of the large double doors. Your brows furrowed.

There wasn't even a lock on this door!

You froze and stared at it, wringing your hands for you didn't know what to do with this new found information. With your brain screaming at you to lock the door, but there being no lock, you didn't know what else to do. You could feel your chest begin to grow tight, a tingling similar to when your leg falls asleep beginning to make your head feel fuzzy. What were you to do?

"Trying to sneak out?" A voice came from behind you, shaking out the most pitiful of yelps from deep within your chest as you whirled around, eyes wide and heart pounding.  
Lucifer stood there, arms crossed and face stern, though looking just about as taken aback by your inhuman squeak as you were. You could feel your face flush, feeling as though you had been caught red handed.

"I expected this from Mammon, but not you, MC," Lucifer sighed and you could just feel the disappointment rolling off of him. You frowned, not having wanted to have upset him, and yet at the same time you didn't necessarily want to admit to him what you were actually doing.

"I'm.... sorry...." you mumbled and when he let out an exasperated sigh, you decided to come clean. "I wasn't trying to sneak out though."

"Oh?" He asked, a brow raised in that way that said he didn't entirely believe you. "Then by all means, go on, I'd love to hear it."

"I was just...." you trail off taking a deep breath to steady your nerves, a difficult thing to do with Lucifer's red eyes staring you down. "I wanted to make sure the door was locked, but it.... doesn't have a lock so.... I got scared."

Lucifer's hardened stare appeared to soften ever so slightly and his scowl was soon replaced by an amused smirk.

"You live with some of the strongest demons in the Devildom," Lucifer chuckled, "what do you have to be afraid of?"

That was a good point you supposed, if only you could trick your brain into rolling with it. You sighed and wrapped your arms around yourself, adverting your gaze from his.

"I know, but I just can't help it," you mumble because really what else was there to do. You look back at Lucifer, but it's hard to understand what he's feeling at any given moment, it set you on edge, until he let out an understanding hum. His smirk had fallen away to be replaced with a gentle smile, a rare soft Lucifer had made an appearance it would seem, and you could feel your nerves ebb away ever so slowly. He understood, somewhat, you liked to think.

"Well, let it be known you're safe here with us," he said, "no one enters this house without me knowing. Plus it wouldn't look good on Diavolo if we let our favorite human be harmed would it?"

You let out a content sigh and with it went the rest of your anxiety, at least.... for the time being. Seeing this, Lucifer motioned you forward.

"Now, come along, I'll walk you back to your room," he said, his smirk making a reappearance, "unless you want to come back to mine instead?"

You huffed, face flushing, "I think I'll be fine."

And with that the two of you had made your way back to your own room, the darkened house far less scary now that you had company and thus your compulsions stifled and your brain was put at ease. You knew they would start up again, but for now they were fine, and you felt comforted by the fact.

It was also pretty comforting to have Lucifer's hands run through your hair to help lull you to sleep as you practically laid in his lap, but that was unrelated. Clearly.

"You're spacing out again," Satan's voice brought you out of the memory, you blinked, finding yourself back in the present. You chuckled and slowly closed the book in your hand, suddenly not feeling the urge to read anymore.

"My bad, that tends to be apart of my disorder, I guess," you chuckle trying to lighten the mood a bit which got Satan to nod.

Thinking back on the others and how they cared over you despite it all made you feel warmth blossom in your chest. It was nice. It was different from what you were used to in the human realm, and honestly you wouldn't have it any other way. You thought back to Satan's question.

'Is there anything my brothers or I can do to help?'

You sent a genuine grin Satan's way, one that had him taken aback, "I think you guys are doing just fine."

The storm in your head settled and was little more than a dull itch, it was manageable for now, which was all you could have hoped for.

And for that, you were truly thankful.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm just a dirty Lucifer stan okay? Lol
> 
> (Again this is just my own experience with OCD, everyone is different though so don't take this as the rule!)


End file.
